


Asgardian Lampoon: Disney Vacation

by Dopamineandducks



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adorable little kidlets, Daddy/Daughter Cuteness, Disney World & Disneyland, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Drama, Frozen (2013) References, If you didn't want to go to Disneyland already, Loki and Ullr have issues, Loki needs parenting classes, Loki's A+ Parenting, Odin's A+ Parenting, Really just starting to feel like advertising for Disneyland. Promise I'm not a booking agent., Star Wars References, The Odinson Family Vacation, Thor is an awesome dad and uncle, aka DIDNEYLAAAAANN, dadki, happy endings, sifmom, you will now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-05-10 04:30:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5571286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dopamineandducks/pseuds/Dopamineandducks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki worked hard—he worked damned hard. It took thick skin, sharp wit, and killer instinct to be a lawyer for Asgard International. So, when it came time to vacation, Loki expected something relaxing: wine, great dining, no cell phone reception, no kids, maybe some sandy beaches, and, of course, his bombshell wife who still got his blood boiling.</p><p>He did not expect fucking Disneyland.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ;D <3
> 
> The Duck.

Loki worked hard—he worked damned hard. It took thick skin, sharp wit, and killer instinct to be a lawyer for Asgard International. Not just any snot-nosed lawyer, by the way: The lawyer for Asgard International. Granted, he had an in. A big in. Daddy did own the multibillion, international conglomerate, but he was worth his fucking salt, no question. He slaved long hours at the office, scrutinized document after document, and staved off at least seven lawsuits this quarter alone. So, when it came time to vacation, Loki expected something relaxing: wine, great dining, no cell phone reception, no kids, maybe some sandy beaches, and, of course, his bombshell wife who still got his blood boiling.

He did not expect fucking Disneyland.

He was caught off guard. Completely blindsided by the suggestion. There he was lounging in his California king bed with his tablet while flipping through websites about Aruba when Sif breaks his sex-on-the-beach fantasy with:“I think we should go to Disneyland this year.”

Of course Loki played along with the joke he thought it was, but when Sif caught wind of his sarcasm, she deadpanned.

“Why on earth would we go to Disneyland?” he asked.

“I've always wanted to take them. Hela's old enough now to appreciate and remember the trip. Ullr would be ecstatic. I think it would be nice. Your mother agrees.”

His jaw tightened. “You spoke to my mother about this?”

She nodded as she straightened up their room. “She was thinking about bringing the whole family. Thor, Jane, the kids. Maybe even my parents.”

Loki froze and wondered if he was having a dream. A bad dream.

“Sif,” he said and powered off his tablet. He sat forward in the posture Sif referred to as his “intense britches.” “I only get one vacation a year, and I prefer to spend it relaxing, drinking, having sex, and being treated like a prince.”

“You prefer that even when you’re not on vacation.”

He had to concede she had a point. However since becoming a father, his selfish indulgences had significantly, annoyingly, and unacceptably decreased. He put off buying expensive clothes and things to buy toys for his kids. No longer could he and Sif enjoy five star restaurants without searching half of New York for a babysitter that didn’t leave them frightened for their children’s lives. In fact,the restaurants they frequented most these days featured plastic menus with pictures of the food and a kid’s menu featuring—much to Loki’s disgust—hot dogs and mac ‘n cheese. His life had become nothing but Sesame Street, juice boxes, sticky everything, and play dates.

It was certainly not the posh lifestyle he envisioned for himself, but that’s what happens when antibiotics are taken with birth control.

Sif went through her nightly routine of laying out her clothes for the following day. Becoming parents meant one had to prepare like Sun Tzu if one wanted to get the kids ready for school in the morning with any semblance of efficiency.

“Loki,” she said in a clipped voice. Anything that followed that was usually geared to rip Loki off his throne and make him feel like a real ass. “I know you want to relax, but spending time with your family is important too. Your kids don’t even know who you are. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“That’s preposterous.” He sat back against the padded headboard and powered his tablet on once more to a picture of a swim-up bar in a crystal clear pool by the ocean.

“You’re never home,” she continued, “You’re always at work. You’re gone before they’re awake and come home after they’re put to bed. On weekends your phone is glued to your ear at Ullr’s soccer games. And that’s if you show up.”

His eyes flashed from his screen to her, his jaw set tightly. Heat began to swirl in his chest. “I’m trying to provide for this family. Don’t guilt me for putting my family first.”

“But you’re not! You’re putting work first.” She placed her hands on her hips, a stance which reminded him too much of her mother. It was her attempt at seeming authoritative but it missed its mark. She was more terrifying before she became a mother and adopted all of the typical mom-isms and behaviors. Still, the way her eyebrow hitched high on her forehead and the blaze in her eyes kept him from arguing.

After an intense beat of silence, her arms fell back to her sides. “Loki,” she crooned as she sat beside him and took his tablet away, placing it face down on the bed. “You’re a wonderful provider. No one can dispute that. The kids have everything they need and then some. But there are far more important things than fancy clothes, toys, and a high rise apartment. And that’s being their father.”  
He must have been silent for a while for Sif cupped his face and stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. It did little to comfort him. He liked being a father when he thought about how much he loved his kids, but the whole dad lifestyle….It was something he never got used to.

“We’ll talk about it more tomorrow,” she said.

He nodded and lay down on his marshmallow-like bed. Sif finished the last of her routine, then crawled in beside him. She kissed him and slid her foot along the sheets until it came in contact with his. After a few adjustments, she fell straight to sleep.

Loki stared at the ceiling for hours, troubled, until he finally fell asleep to the hypnotic rhythm of Sif’s breathing.

***

Loki sat at his black marble desk in his office suite on the sixtieth floor of Asgard Tower, staring out his window at the sea of skyscrapers and office buildings all full of working stiffs. He wondered if any of them felt the same way he did: determined to meet the surmounting pressure laid upon him by work, yet terrified that he was drifting from his family.

He remembered meeting Odin for the first time. Sure, Loki was aware of Odin and saw him in the house occasionally, but he didn’t truly come to know him until after the heart attack that laid his father up for weeks. He was unsure of the familiar stranger who was now a constant presence in their house and a monopolizer of his mother’s time and attention. He was six, same age as Hela, and he remember wanting Odin to go away. He was an upset in his routine, a boulder in the river, and Loki wanted nothing to do with him.

Of course his mother made him and Thor sit with their father: Odin a statuesque man in the center of godlike bed with a son placed on either side of him, his beefy arms around their shoulders. They watched cartoons. Odin was apparently quite the Bugs Bunny fan, which Thor was pleased with, but Loki wanted to watch Scooby Doo. Still, he sat there feeling like a hostage beside his seemingly kind father while he and his brother giggled at Bugs attempted to perform Flight of the Valkyrie.

He swiveled back to his desk. The large desktop calendar was scrawled and splattered with numerous appointments, lists, and rushed notes to self. There wasn’t a single day that didn’t have a task slated. Most of them had at least three. Not a single Saturday marked a soccer game or dance recital.

His eyes traveled to a small picture frame barely visible from behind his computer monitor. Grabbing it, he leaned back in his cushioned chair, leather squelching as he did so, and inspected it. A young family amid wrapping paper carnage smiled back at him. A disheveled Sif, hair wild despite being thrown back, with their kids encircled tightly in her arms. Ullr beamed brilliantly, his front two teeth missing, as he held up a Ninja Turtle to the camera. Hela’s smile was simply beautiful as she hugged two princess dolls close to her. Christmas last year. Loki was in Japan on business with the Osaka branch. He didn’t even Skype.

His intercom buzzed as his secretary could inform him of an important bigshot waiting on Line One. Something about the Vanaheim Tech acquisition and wanted to schedule a business dinner for the night. He thanked her and whipped out his phone to text Sif.

_Let’s do Disneyland._

He hit send and answered the call.

***

It was approaching 9 o’clock when he got home. It was Friday so Sif let the kids stay up a little later than usual. The condo smelled like Nonno’s Pizza Pie Shop, which still startled him. It had been years since the condo had been his bachelor pad, but he still expected it to smell like expensive cologne. Hela sing-screaming Frozen could be heard out in the hallway, but was unbearable once in the apartment. Instantly his nerves grated. He loathed Frozen with every fiber of his being. He wished the legions of Mephisto on the damned creators of that cartoon. He would die a happy man if he never had to hear the emotional ice witch (who, admittedly, was rather hot), Pippy Longstocking’s evil twin, higher-than-a-kite snowman, or vacant ice shepherd ever again.

Sven was alright, though. He could deal with Sven.

He found Sif in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. Her hands were plunged into a sink of soapy water, sleeves of her work shirt rolled up around her elbows. Her eyes were droopy and frown lines set deep, indicative of the day she had and the mood she was probably in.

“How was dinner?” she asked. Loki thought he detected a bit of resentment.

“Boring.” He placed a bag of bagels from the lobby’s bakery on the counter. “Everything here?”

Hela squealed like a banshee from the other room. Must be the part with Marshmallow.

“Same as always,” she sighed as she rinsed a plate.

Loki lifted a brow. “Why aren’t you using the dishwasher?”

She flipped open the dishwasher door without taking her eyes of the sink. Millions of bubbles filled the appliance and dripped onto the floor. Loki flinched, wide eyed, but Sif didn’t even twitch. She swiftly kicked the door shut once again. “I asked Ullr to start the dishwasher. He used the liquid dish soap instead of the dishwasher fluid.”

Loki could only muster a simple: “Ah.”

She ran her hands under the water and turned towards him as she dried them on a dishtowel that was thrown over her shoulder. “Did you mean what you said earlier in your text?”

He smirked. “Which one? The one where I asked what you were wearing or the one about Disneyland?”

She rolled her eyes. He cackled and flipped open a near empty pizza box.

“About Disneyland.”

Now was his chance to back out. His text earlier was sent out of sentiment. Sappy regards from a bleeding heart. In hindsight, it seemed like a horrid mistake. He plucked a pepperoni and tossed it in his mouth. “Yeah.”

The smile that appeared on her face lit the condo. Despite the sinking feeling in his gut, he mustered a small smile.

Just then, Hela came running into the kitchen, her bare feet slapping on the tiled floor. A cheap toy store Elsa dress was thrown on over her pajamas and her freshly washed hair fell around her face in damp curls. She was painfully adorable.

She saw flew past Loki straight to Sif. “Mommy,” she said in her little pixie voice, “Can I have some ice cubes?”

Sif lifted an eyebrow. “Why do you want ice cubes?”

“I want to be Elsa!”

Mulling the request over, Sif eventually sighed and retrieved two ice cubes from the freezer. “Leave the cat alone,” she said as she placed the ice in their daughter’s tiny palms.

Hela hooted from the cold but nodded, swearing she wouldn’t, and ran off as quickly as she had come. Loki remained by the counter feeling transparent. No “Hi Daddy!” or even a second look. His heart twisted. He wanted to pick her up…

Sif turned back to Loki, but before they could continue their conversation, an agonized yowl soared over the ruckus of the movie. A chorus of maniacal laughter followed. Though Loki felt for the cat, he couldn’t fight the smidgen bit of pride he felt. Hela was definitely his daughter.

Sif shook her head and sighed.“Anyway, I’m glad you agreed. Your mother is booking everything tonight—”

“Well I’m glad I wasn’t joking…”

“—We should tell the kids now!”

He groaned. “They won’t sleep if we do.”

She shrugged him off and finished washing the dishes. Loki suddenly felt like an ass for not offering to help. “Ullr had soccer practice today and Hela missed her nap. They’ll pass out in a half hour. Hour tops.”

With her mind already made up, she marched into the living room. He dragged his feet after her, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his trousers and head already pulsing from the screams that would doubtlessly follow.

His living room was in a state of chaos. Crayons were strewn all over the floor, Legos fucking everywhere, pillows and cushions were turned over, and Hela must have dragged out half of her dolls. Naked Barbies were scattered across the floor like a mass sexual homicide. He remembered when he had nice things like imported Italian rugs and a white Chanel couch…  
Sif put the movie on pause and addressed their kids like a general. Loki imagined that’s how Tyr addressed her and Heimdall growing up.

“Settle down, on the couch,” she said. “We have something to tell you.”

Like good little soldiers, Ullr and Hela climbed on the navy sofa. Sif was trying very hard to hide a smile. It was obvious in the way her mouth shrank to counteract the desire to grin. Loki couldn’t help but grin. It was endearing that Sif was excited too.

“So as you kids know, this is the time of year mommy and daddy go on vacation. This year, we decided to take you with us.”

Ullr understood instantly and grinned from ear to ear. He was old enough to remember their annual get-away and always begged to go along with them, only to be disappointed when he was left behind. Loki didn’t feel too guilty, though. He wound up having a blast at Thor’s house with his sons Erik and Magnus. Hela, though, didn’t understand what was going on. She took her cues from her big brother and bounced with excitement when he did.

Sif smiled. “Don’t you want to know where we’re going?”

“Where?” Ullr blurted.

“Mykonos,” Loki said, not being able to resist the temptation. “Parties, drinks, optionally clad and morally ambiguous women.”  His son’s brow furrowed in confusion while Hela continued to bounce on the cushions.

Sif shot Loki an irritated look before turning back to the kids. She could no longer contain her excitement. Her face lit up as she said: “Disneyland!”

Ullr’s eyes widened and mouth dropped in genuine surprise. Hela, despite her naivety, knew exactly what Disneyland was and squealed without her brother’s indication. The scene plunged into chaos rapidly as Ullr danced around the living room in exaggerated jubilation with Hela joining in. Loki couldn’t help but smile like an idiot as he watched his kids run around the condo screaming “Disneyland! Disneyland!”

Sif stood beside him, twitching with excitement, and snaked her arms around his waist. His arm automatically wrapped around her shoulders.

In the moment, Loki had no regrets. He was proud of himself for selflessly throwing away his plans for a relaxing, vacation sex packed retreat with Sif on some sandy beach for a family vacation. Maybe he was caught up in the romance, but he even felt a twinge of excitement. He couldn’t remember the last time he went on a vacation with his parents and brother. Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw Thor. He’d deny it to his death to ever admit he missed the bg palooka, but he couldn’t wait to hang with him again. As brothers. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe this “Disney Magic” would do him good.

Little did he know what was in store for him at the Happiest Place on Earth…

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning out to be much longer than intended....
> 
> **WARNING: POTENTIAL SPOILER OF DISNEY MAGIC. HAUNTED MANSION SPECIAL EFFECT "SECRET" MENTIONED. DO NOT READ IF YOU WISH TO REMAIN IN IGNORANT AWE**
> 
> PS: [I give you inspiration for vacation Odin](http://www3.pictures.fp.stylebistro.com/Anthony+Hopkins+Beach+Maui+YxZAFe0YVunl.jpg). Delight in the hilarity.

Loki stood in limbo with Hell to his right and Hell: Encore to his left. Or as his mother would patiently correct: The Magic Kingdom and California Adventure. Vaguely familiar music (he assumed the songs were from Disney movies) played from disturbingly well hid speakers. Noise was all round him: laughter, squealing, yelling, demon cackles. He couldn’t think of a worse place to be. The Biblical Hell would have been more inviting. At least that place had booze. Luckily he had convinced the everyone to book a three day vacation rather than a five day so they could spend time in Napa Valley and recover from Disney. Too bad for Loki he wanted to be drunk now.

As soon as they were through the turnstiles, Hela buzzed with the hyperactive energy only six year olds possessed. Snow White posed for pictures with visitors in the shade of a small tree and she was determined to go see her. She grabbed Sif’s hand and bounced erratically until Sif allowed herself to be dragged over to the line.

The rest of them formed a pod away from the inward flow of park visitors. Jane instantly transformed from quirky mother and astrophysicist to general of the Odinson clan, which made Loki crinkle his nose. After dismissing Thor to rent a stroller for their fat sixteen month old son who’d probably break the poor woman in two if kept in her Ergobaby carrier, she whipped out The Battle Plan.

He knew Jane didn’t have a life outside of compiling data, but this time she had gone a wee bit too far. Apparently for the past several weeks, Jane had been observing the crowd indices and approximate wait times for rides and attractions using an app on her phone. She analyzed the data and organized it into a three day itinerary to have the “most efficient Disney vacation ever recorded.”

“Efficiency” was not a word Loki ever wanted associated with one of his vacations. He preferred to do whatever the hell he wanted, whenever the hell he wanted and not have everything planned out for him. Still, he kept his tongue behind his teeth and glanced over to Sif and Hela. They were next in line to meet the princess and Hela completely stilled with nervous, wide eyes. He smiled. If he remembered correctly, Snow White was her favorite. At least before _Frozen_ and Elsa came along she was. She was the only princess that had the same hair color as Hela and it delighted her endlessly.

He snapped back to attention when she waved a copy of The Battle Plan, Day One in his face. Again keeping a biting remark in his throat, he plucked the paper from her hand and tuned her out as she gave them the run down. Everything was plotted out for them. It was just like being in the office. Even fucking bathroom breaks were scheduled to the minute.

“I want to go to Star Wars Land first,” Ullr said.

“There is no Star Wars Land,” she said, rather callously in Loki’s opinion, “It’s Tomorrowland and that’s for after lunch.”

She carried on and Ullr tapped Loki. “Can we go there first, Dad?”

Normally he would do anything to push Jane’s buttons, but in the spirit of the Odinson Family Disney Vacation, he folded. “It’s best to listen to Jane. Better that than a lecture on why her way is best.” Upon seeing his son crestfallen, he quickly added: “We’ll sneak away later and do our own thing.”

The grin that appeared on Ullr’s face warmed Loki. Only ten minutes into vacation and he and Ullr were on the right track. Once Thor procured a stroller for their chub of a son Donald and Sif returned with a titillated Hela, they were off!

 

***

It was 2 P.M. and Loki was done. Four hours had passed and he was more than ready to get back to the gray and black sea of suits that was his office so long as he was far away from Disneyland. To be honest, he was impressed it took that long to be over the vacation. He originally had given himself a half hour before he wanted to commit mass homicide. He quickly remembered he hated the heat and was going to lose his shit if Sif gave him that “told you you shouldn’t have worn black jeans to the park” look one more time. Sweat poured down his face and the small of his back may as well have been a pool.

To top that off, Loki also remembered he couldn’t tolerate crowds and he was positive no place on earth was as crowded as Disneyland in June. He rubbed elbows with equally sweaty people in ride lines, the top of his head burned from standing in the sun, and, worst of all, he was forced onto a horrid boat ride “across the globe” with the most nauseating song playing the entire time. That was twenty minutes of hell. Small World his ass. More like “Destroy The World.”

They parked it by some benches near Tomorrowland for a bathroom break. No one had to go but Jane took it as an opportunity to change Donald’s diaper. The poor kid looked miserable. If Loki wasn’t completely put off by the idea of boffing Jane, he’d swear that the baby was his given the murderous glower etched into his face. Of course he could hardly blame the kid. He’d be cranky as all hell too if his parents thought it necessary to dress him in a blue sailor suit and cap just because he shared the name of a Disney character.

Thor chattered with the boys as they waited for Jane, occasionally erupting in “DUDE!” or “IT WAS SO AWESOME!” or “LET’S DO IT AGAIN!” Maybe if he was in a better temperament, he’d maybe find Thor’s giant-man-child _schtick_ endearing, but right now he found it annoying. Sif was minding Hela over in the shade. The poor girl was definitely his child. Despite constant applications of sunblock, she was beginning to burn. She’d be a lobster by dusk at this rate.

Jane returned and handed Donald over to Thor who immediately began tossing him into the air. The unamused expression quickly brightened in his father’s attention and belly laughed as Thor raspberried his pudgy cheeks. No one, not even a cranky baby, was immune to him.

Jane consulted the itinerary. “Okay, so it looks like New Orleans Square is next: Haunted Mansion at 2:34 followed by Pirates of the Caribbean at approximately 3:20. Then it’ll be time for our Splash Mountain fast pass!”

“Jane, dear,” Frigga said, “Odin and I are going to pass for now and just look around. We need a break from the excitement.”

Jane frowned. “Are you sure?”

Frigga patted her hand, an assuring smile on her kind face. “Yes. You guys have fun. We’ll see you at dinner.”

“Have fun,” Sif called as they strolled away hand in hand, a sight which Loki was not used to. Even more unfamiliar to Loki was Odin in red floral shorts and a short sleeve button up featuring a vine print. Perhaps the most unsettling was his boater hat with the garish red band. Or maybe the puka shell necklace he had donned for the “spirit of vacation.” He never thought he’d ever see the man out of a designer suit, yet he was roaming around a theme park looking like he had fallen out of a Good Will dressing room.

Jane roused them back into action and escorted them all the way across the park. Hela ran ahead to keep up with her brother, cousins, and uncle so Sif fell in line beside Loki.

“How are you holding up?”

“I need a drink,” he answered. She offered him her water bottle and for a second he wondered if she smuggled liquor in, but no it was just water. He drank it greedily anyway.

“Have you engaged with the kids yet?”

“I’ve been engaging all bloody day,” he snapped.

She gave him an annoyed look but didn’t retaliate her temper. “Have you talked with them? Taken any pictures?”

He mumbled. No, he didn’t, okay? He was too busy trying to not vomit from heat exhaustion to even to think of what to say to his kids. His gaze fixed on Thor and marveled at how easily parenting seemed to come to him. He somehow managed to be both playmate and authority figure to those kids. They worshiped him. It was clear in the way they flocked to him and gazed at him with sparkling, awe-filled eyes.

Sif offered an encouraging smile. “Try sitting next to one of them on the next ride.”

“They won’t want that.”

“Sure they will,” she said with a supportive smile, “You’re their father.”

They finally made it to the far end of the park and joined the queue for the Haunted Mansion. The willow trees and surrounding buildings cast the line in shade, giving Loki’s neck and ears a much needed reprieve. Once they got to the line, Donald began fussing and no amount of Thor’s goofy faces could cheer him up. Reluctantly, Jane left the line to breastfeed and promised to meet up with them later.

Bored, he studied the surroundings. Despite it being a theme park, he was impressed with the detail that went into making the place. The unkempt lawns lent themselves to the creepy feeling that was radiating from the building, which seemed eerily still amid the activity surrounding it. He knew it was just a facade encasing a ride, but it felt as if something was waiting from them beyond the blackened windows.

His eyes roamed from the tombstones and willow trees to the front of the line. Unless there was another portion of snaking scansions inside the building, they were almost there. He glanced at Hela and furrowed his brow. Her face was pulled tight, eyes wide and mouth small, a.k.a. the face she makes when she thinks something is under her bed. He didn’t consider that small children probably didn’t appreciate the contrived eeriness, and would actually be freaked out by it.

He stepped over to her and placed his hand on top of her head. Again, he sympathized. Like his own hair, her black locks had absorbed the sun’s heat and was hot to the touch. She looked up at him, confused and anxious. He tried to give her what he hoped was an encouraging smile, but it seemed to miss its mark. Discouraged, he withdrew his hand.

After a forty minute wait, they finally made it inside. The air conditioner was heaven sent. Loki didn’t care if the house really was haunted and was about to be gut-slashed by demons. The circulated air was worth demonic torture.

The attraction attendants dressed in hideous green scullery uniforms packed people into the foyer more closely than a busy subway train in New York. He grunted as he was pushed between Thor and a strange woman wearing too much perfume. The lighting was dim, but he could make out how wonderfully the foyer was decorated. If his tastes weren’t exclusively modern, he would have loved to have the Victorian chandelier in his condo.

A deep pitched voice over began to play. “ _When hinges creak in doorless chambers_ _…”_ it began. He thought the speech was far too corny to ever be scary, but he checked on Hela who was holding her own hands in fear. When double doors at the front of the room opened to allow passage to the next, she clung to Thor’s hand who immediately swept her up into his arms.

The monologue continued in what was called “the gallery”—an octagonal room with four portraits that stretched as the room (apparently doubling as an elevator) descended. They filed through a long hallway. Lights flickered with artificial lightning and thunder, which simultaneously altered the paintings on the wall from portraits of normal people to twisted ones depicting evil. He was mildly impressed with the busts of sour looking men at the end of the hallway that appeared to watch him as he filed by.

Ullr and the twins were unaffected, but Hela looked like she was on the verge of tears despite being in her godlike uncle’s arms. Sif leaned over and whispered something to Thor. He nodded, cooed something to Hela before kissing her temple and setting her on the ground. Immediately she clung to his hand like static. Loki burned with jealousy.

They shuffled through the line towards what appeared to be the ride: black carriages that looked like shells on a conveyor belt gliding around a dark corner. The music and spooky sound effects were beginning to give him a headache, but once again was completely worth it due to the air conditioner.

The boys raced to their own carriage the instant they were able to. Sif climbed aboard the next one and Loki made to follow her, but Thor managed to pry his hand away from Hela and nodded her in Loki’s direction before climbing in after Sif. Hela stared at Loki, terrified and unsure of the pseudo-stranger she was expected to ride with. The ride attendant was barking to climb aboard the “doom buggies” to keep the line moving, so Loki picked her up and set her in the seat beside him. She looked so small in her terror.

The ghostly voice returned in the doom buggy’s speaker, drawing a yelp from Hela.The handle bars locked into place on their own, an action she probably attributed to real life ghosts and scooted as close as she could to Loki. He savored the moment and tucked her into his side, his arm firmly around her.

“It’s okay,” he said, “I won’t let anything get you.”

She spent most of the ride curled up beside him, face pressed into his ribs. Occasionally she’d take a peak only to gasp and whirl around. She was particularly disturbed by the dining room scene. Scores of “ghosts” danced around a long dinner table while one ghost serenaded them on an elaborate organ and another swung from a chandelier. It looked pretty (or horrifying as far as Hela was concerned), but Loki felt unimpressed by the technology. It was clearly a use of Pepper’s Ghost, an old theatre trick that his drama class used in their production of _A Christmas Carol_ his senior year. Still, he didn’t think that would make Hela feel any better.

The ride finally came to an end and they wound up where they started. Maybe he was a sadistic parent, but he delighted in Hela’s terror. He loved protecting her from ghosts and monsters even more than successfully shutting down asswads who attempt to sue Asgard International for whatever imagined infraction they came up with. He felt like a hero.

“It’s over now,” Loki said as they exited the ride. “You did so good.” Her tiny hand in his was making his heart lighter than air. She looked up at him, eyes watering and clearly traumatized. Scooping her up in his arms, he held her close and pressed his lips to her head. She huddled close to him, his shirt fisted tightly in her hands. Sif smiled at him when she saw. He beamed back.

They met up with Jane who had changed her shirt and Donald’s outfit. Instead of a dapper Donald Duck costume, he was now sporting a simple blue onesie. Apparently he spat up all over her and himself, but the ever prepared Jane wasn’t caught off guard. She had a spare shirt for everyone in her clan in the diaper bag.

Pirates of the Caribbean was next. Hela eventually calmed and was able to be set down, though Loki didn’t want to let her go. The line went surprisingly quick despite how long it appeared. Hela sat beside him again once they got their boat. She was nervous as they sailed by the restaurant located inside the ride and screamed as they plummeted down the chute to the main ride, but he pulled her into his lap as they sailed through different scenes from the _Pirates of the Caribbean_ movies and marveled at all the sights.

“Daddy, look at the doggy,” she shrieked in giggles as they sailed past a scene in which a scraggly looking dog with keys in his mouth sat just out of reach of prisoners locked in a cell. He shared the laugh and hugged her tighter.

The rest of the day could be considered one of the best days of his life. Though he loathed Splash Mountain—careening down a steep incline towards a pool of water and getting _soaked_ was NOT his idea of fun, he fondness Hela seemed to abruptly develop for him was amazing. She stuck by his side the rest of the day, chatting endlessly about this and that and telling him some of the stupidest jokes he had ever heard, but were precious because she thought of them. His favorite?

“Why didn’t the doggy eat his cereal?”

“Why?”

“Because he farted.”

 

***

By the end of the day, Loki was exhausted. He was overcome with love for his daughter, but he was ready to sleep. Though he thought they were going to have a break and go back to the hotel to clean up before dinner at the Blue Bayou, he was reprimanded for not paying attention to The Battle Plan, because there was none. Feeling gross and agitated from multiple layers of sweat caked onto his body, he followed his family to the restaurant tucked away from a majority of the hoopla.

His parents were already sitting in the waiting room. Unlike him, they looked well rested and relaxed. Eased smiles on their faces and hands threaded together. It always unnerved him to see his parents so affectionate—particularly Odin—but he was too tired to really care. He collapsed on a padded bench and reveled in the air conditioning. His stomach growled and he felt like killing. Exhaustion and hunger never brought out the best in him and gave him a splitting headache. When he was informed that they still had twenty minutes before their reservation, he thought he might literally kill someone.

Hela abandoned him for her grandparents, which was fine by Loki because he didn’t want to snap at the girl and undo all the progress he made. He tilted his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He left his sunglasses on despite being somewhat indoors. Apparently Ullr was the only one who didn’t know this meant, “Don’t fucking talk to me.”

“Daddaddaddaddad,” he said practically tripping over his words.

A tendon in Loki’s neck corded. He didn’t open his eyes. “What?”

“When we’re done with dinner, can we go over to Tomorrowland? I want to go on Star Tours again.”

“We’ll see.”

“Please dad?”

“We’ll see, Ullr.”

“But Dad, you said we’d sneak away and do our own thing.”

His head pulsed. “I _said_ , we’ll _see_ , Ullr.”

“But Dad—”

His head snapped up from the wall. “Ullr!”

He flinched, stock still and wide eyed from the outburst. Loki’s didn’t notice despite his gaze baring down on the boy from behind his sunglasses. He didn’t notice the looks the rest of his family was casting him. He rested his head back against the wall and tried to ignore his throbbing head and growling stomach.

Dinner went well, and by that he was served surprisingly delicious food. He was thrilled that the menu was on thick paper and didn’t have a single picture on it. A three course meal was always a delight to him, even though it was Cajun.

They filtered back out into the park once dinner was over. The sun was setting and the park was cooling down. Ullr broke away from the group once they were out in the alleyway. Thor immediately followed. They were both complaining about having to use the bathroom during dinner but not wanting to navigate the crowded dining room, so he imagined they went to find the nearest restroom.

He felt refreshed enough to hit the park again, though he had no desire to. Thankfully, they were heading back to the hotel. Everyone was exhausted and looked like they needed rest as much as he did. Hela kept asking to go swimming, which was an enticing idea to Loki. A daddy-daughter swim sounded like the perfect way to end the day.

Thor and Ullr returned just before they headed off. Ullr’s face looked heavy given the way his eyes fell to the ground and the frown on his mouth. Thor, though, was shining like the sun.

“So Ullr and I aren’t ready to go back. Who wants to stay with us?”

Of course Erik and Magnus started hollering and tripped over each other in their scramble to get to his side. Thor roared with excitement and threw his arms around the three of them.

“Just us lads raising Hell and having a good time! Loki,” he said, glancing at him. There was something serious in his eyes despite the brilliance of his grin. “Care to join us?”

“I think I’ll pass,” he said, “You guys have fun though.”

His grin was replaced by the seriousness in his eyes. He stared at him levelly. “Are you sure?”

Whatever point he was trying to make, Loki didn’t catch it. Frankly, he was surprised Ullr didn’t want to go back. His stooped shoulders and downcast eyes made him appear deflated and exhausted. He nodded. “Yeah, I’m done for the day. I need to rest if we’re doing this again tomorrow.”

Thor held his eyes, his lips drawing thin before eventually nodding. He looked to his sons and nephew, the brilliance of the sun returning. “Alright, men! Move out! To Star Tours!” Ullr followed his cousins as they raced down the French Quarter-esque alleyway towards Tomorrowland. Thor planted a kiss on Jane’s cheek before darting after them.

They made it back to their suite just as the sky was deepening from garnet to deep purple. Hela was too tired to go swimming, so she and Sif put her to bed after her bath. Loki followed suit and showered then crawled into bed. He was vaguely aware of some mood Sif was in as she climbed in beside him. He thought about asking what was wrong, but didn’t think he could stay awake long enough to have a conversation. Instead, he fell into a hard sleep. It was the first time had gone to sleep before Sif in years.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rises from the grave*
> 
> *insert obligatory excuse about busy life and blah blah here*
> 
> Love and Quacks,  
> The Duck

For the first time in years, Loki awoke on his own. No alarm clock screaming him to rise at 5:05 A.M., no baby crying or child climbing into bed. The sun peaked through the slit in the opaque curtains and gently kissed him awake. The air conditioner was cranked down to a low temperature, making the room chilly, but he was warm and snug in his bed with covers pulled up to his jawline. He felt Sif’s foot against his. He stroked her foot with his own and tangled his ankles with hers.

Loki couldn’t sit still for too long and figured he should take the opportunity to get a relaxing shower in before everyone woke up. Carefully pulling his feet away from Sif, he slipped out of bed to the shower. When he finished, he wrapped a towel around his waist and stood in front of the mirror. He wiped the steam away with a hand towel nearby and examined himself. His skin was bright red. Even though he had taken an almost too hot shower, he was more red than he should be. There were puffs beneath his eyes, indicative of swelling from burned skin. He groaned. He was going to look like an idiot for the next few days, never mind the pain.

When he finished shaving the bristles of hair sprouting on his jawline and emerged, the bed was empty and noise chorused in the main living room. From the sounds of it, Thor and the twins had already joined them and were causing a fuss. Hela squealed with giggles as the sound of his giant brother roaring boomed through the walls. Loki then noticed the pulsing behind his eye and longed for the darkness of his bedroom back in Manhattan. He dressed and reluctantly joined the chaos.

“Daddy!” Hela chimed when he entered the suite living room. She was thrown over her uncle’s meaty shoulder, her arms and legs dangling like a rag doll.

He managed a grin. “Good morning, Star shine.”

Sif patted Loki’s chest in greeting as she whisked past him for her turn in the shower. He helped himself to a cup of coffee brewing in the kitchenette. Thor placed Hela on the ground, bidding her to play with her cousins who were fixated on Ullr’s DS, and joined Loki in the kitchen.

“Did you have a good night,” he asked.

Loki grunted. “It was pleasant.”

“You should have come with us last night. It was a great time filled with manly bonding.”

Loki started to glare at him but faltered. Thor’s impossibly blue eyes were probing him the way they do when he tried to be sincere about something. He could sense a meaningful talk lurking just ahead and it made him squirm. He was never good with sincerity.

“I was exhausted. Sleep was more important than a twentieth time on Star Tours.”

He saw Thor frown from the corner of his eye. Thor shifted closer to Loki and spoke in a low voice. “Ullr was disheartened last night, Loki.”

Loki’s skin prickled and neck tensed. He didn’t like his personal space being encroached, especially by his brother.

“He doesn’t think you love him.”

Loki’s focus snapped to Thor and studied him for any marks of exaggeration. Thor’s eyes still bore into him. His eyebrows pulled together in concern. He was being honest and Loki could tell. Still, he couldn’t accept it.

“Why on earth would you think that?” His voice was almost a snarl.

“He told me,” he said evenly. He opened his mouth to speak, hesitated, and slowly said: “He said that he wished I was his father.”

Loki felt his stomach drop and heart shatter. Ullr was his child. His first born. The moment he found out Sif was pregnant with him, he was stressed and considered the situation to be an “ordeal”, yes, but after Sif decided to keep the child, Loki slowly fell in love with the idea of being a father. When they found out the gender, he was grateful for an opportunity to have a father-son relationship he never had. The first time he held him, a preemie bundle only weighting 5 pounds, 8 ounces but felt like an entire world, he felt his entire being change; suddenly filled with immense love for such a tiny thing. He adored his son more than he could articulate.

Maybe that was the problem. He had no idea how to communicate his affection for his son. It was a lesson that must be taught by example, and Loki had a horrible teacher.

“Are you okay,” Thor asked.

Loki didn’t realize he was staring off in thought. He shook his head.

Thor grasped his shoulder and gave him an encouraging squeeze. “Spend time with him today. That’s all he wants.”

Loki nodded and sat his coffee down. His stomach hurt too much to handle it.

 

Loki’s sunburn was worse than he thought. The moment they stepped into the sun, he began to sizzle. Frigga chided him as if he were a child and offered him her sun hat. He gently, but adamantly, refused. He tried to hug the shade as much as possible, but there was little to be spoken of in the massive park. His only solace were the water rides, which he enjoyed tremendously and had no qualms riding the Grizzly Bear Rapids multiple times in a row.

He tried to engage with Ullr, but he was more interested in wrestling with Erik and Magnus. Hela also became his shadow. He was thrilled she was suddenly taken with him, holding his hand, chatting nonstop, and begging for his attention, but his focus was Ullr. Hela felt cared for, or so he assumed, but Ullr wanted a new dad—specifically Thor. _That_ in and of itself was the most unbearable hell Loki could imagine.

He had his chance just after lunch. The children were hot and cranky and Jane looked at her wits end. Sif suggested taking the kids back for a nap and swim, but Ullr protested. The Jedi Training was going to start in thirty minutes and he wanted to participate. He begged Thor to stay with him, effectively igniting Loki in white hot rage, but Thor firmly declined.

“Maybe your dad will stay,” Thor said throwing his glance at Loki.

A swim and a massage sounded more enticing than anymore time surrounded by the sweet smells and looped soundtracks, but he wasn’t one to waste opportunities.

Ullr didn’t even spare Loki a glance. “No he won’t. He never wants to.”

He felt a sharp pain in his chest. “If you want to, Ullr, I’ll hang around.”

This time, Ullr looked over his shoulder. “Seriously?”

He smiled. Ullr considered him, obviously weighing the options of getting his way but staying with Loki and leaving the park early.

“Go on,” Thor goaded with a playful shove, “Stay with your old man. Show him how to have fun again. You can be Luke and he can be Vader!”

The Star Wars fanatic in Ullr rushed to the surface. “Alright.”

Thor tussled his hair. “Attaboy!” He shot Loki and encouraging look before he departed with the rest of the family.

 Sif handed him a backpack with sunscreen, extra water, and who knows what else. She kissed him on the cheek. “Have fun.”

She left, leaving Loki and Ullr by the by the statue of Disney and Mickey. The park was packed. Hundreds and hundreds of families scurried along with strollers and throngs of children, laughing, crying, and screaming. But suddenly the spaces between objects and people seemed vast. The park grew ten times in size and though Ullr was standing a three feet in front of him, he felt like he was on the side of the world. The hot air was tense and Loki didn’t have the slightest clue what to say.

“So you wanted to do the Jedi Academy?” Loki tried his best to sound friendly, but whenever he attempted that, he always came across sarcastic and superficial. He cringed at the sound of his voice.

Ullr nodded. “Yeah. The next one is at 4:20. What time is it?”

Loki checked his watch. “3:50. You’ve got half an hour. We may as well go over there now and wait.”

The boy nodded and led his father towards Tomorrowland where a decent sized crowd was already beginning to from by the terrace. There were no tables or chairs available in the shade so they squished together between the wall and a trashcan overlooking the small arena. There was a small stage set up with a cleared space in front for the show. Two cast members dressed as Jedis were rounding up children and passing out brown robes and light sabers for the show.

“You better get down there,” Loki said.

Ullr didn’t need to be told twice before he scrambled around his father and down into the stage area. He took his place among the other eager kids waiting to be picked. Loki watched as he bounced in barely contained excitement. When a cast member selected him and handed him his gear, he shoved his arms through the robe’s arm holes and looked up towards Loki beaming. Loki grinned back and held up his hand in a wave.

“ _These are perilous days in the galaxy_ _…”_ a voice boomed through the speakers. The cast members ushered the children down to the space in front of the stage as another one took the stage and spoke. The man on the stage addressed them as “padawans” and explained the Force and how to use it. Every child’s attention was fixed on him as he passionately instructed them through light saber drills. Loki was also focused on the “Jedi Master.” He was impressed by his believability, how he seemed to believe he _really was_ a Jedi. Loki laughed to himself in amusement. Back when he thought of pursuing an acting career, he maybe would have loved to work at Disney.

Ullr looked like he was having the time of his life. His face was stern and focused as he followed the drills. There was so much of Sif in that child that it sometimes scared Loki.

A flash caught his  eye, pulling his attention away from the training towards the terrace. A mother had forgotten to take the flash of her phone as she took, undoubtedly, dozens of photos of her trainee. It then occurred to Loki that maybe he should also take pictures. He pulled out his phone and snapped a couple action shots of Ullr slashing and blocking with a blue lightsaber.

Once the padawans pleased their trainers, the Jedi on the stage said it was time to put them through their first trial in the Jedi temple. He instructed them all to use the Force and help him raise the temple out of the ground. Three dozen small palms raised towards the stage at his command. A futuristic looking structure slowly rose out of the stage. A door was in the middle of the structure with mist billowing out of the darkness. Loki raised his eyebrows, actually impressed.

At the Jedi’s instruction, the children lined up at the foot of the stage for the trial. Music blared out of the speakers, ominous and chilling. Loki recognized that song anywhere. It was the song Ullr sang when he or Sif were angry. Loki didn’t know its exact reference. He just knew it had something to do with Darth Vader.

On cue, the man clad in the iconic black armor and cape stepped out of the door in the temple flanked by Storm Troopers. As the Jedi Master insisted that Darth Vader was no match for his trainees, another man in loose black attire, a black and red face with a spiked head—Darth Mole? Darth Moth?—came parted the audience and flipped into the empty space in front of the stage. He held a double-bladed red lightsaber in one hand and beckoned to the audience with his other. Again, Loki was impressed. He didn’t even notice him arrive.

The Jedi Master summoned each child lined up at the stage to come battle Darth Vader on the stage, while another Jedi instructed another group of children to battle Darth Mosh. Each child did their choreographed fight and ran off the stage. Loki watched Ullr glare down Darth from the wings of the stage as he waited his turn.

“Come forth, young padawan!” The Jedi Master called to Ullr.

He marched—no, _stormed_ across the stage towards his foe. His face was hard, eyebrows pulled into a fierce glower. He dropped into his first stance, his eyes never leaving his target.

“The Force is strong with this one,” Darth Vader said, pointing at Ullr.

Pretend or not, Loki puffed out his chest and recorded the fight on his phone. He cheered for Ullr as he gracefully went through the movements. He roared as he made his final blow against Vader’s lightsaber. The Jedi Master congratulated him and ushered him off the stage. Ullr was grinning from ear to ear as he sought Loki out in the crowd. He waved furiously once he spotted Loki and held up his lightsaber in victory. After each padawan had their chance, Darth Vader and Darth _Maul_ “fled” back into the temple as it descended back into the stage.

The Jedi Master announced them all officially Jedi, asked them to help protect the galaxy, and dismissed the graduates. Ullr ran back to Loki, his face barely able to contain his smile.

“Did you see me, Dad?” He thrust his lightsaber up into the air in victory.

Loki chuckled. “I saw the whole thing. You were fantastic.”

“I kicked Darth Vader’s butt!” Ullr went through a sequence of random slashes and jabs while making his own sound effects. He almost whacked a person walking by with a tray of sodas. Loki grabbed Ullr roughly by the shoulder and pulled him back before he was able to.

“Pay attention, Ullr,” he snapped. Ullr’s energy visibly diminished. His arms fell to his side, the plastic lightsaber blade scraped against the ground.

Loki sighed. “Is there anything else you wanted to do?”

Ullr looked up at him, his hazel eyes big and hopeful. “You want to do more?”

He shrugged in feigned nonchalance and smirked down at his son. “You may be able to convince me.”

“Can we go do Splash Mountain again?”

 

Loki spent the next few hours tailing his son around the park. Ullr eventually ditched his Jedi robe by wadding it up in a ball and shoving it in the backpack Loki was hefting around. The heat was beginning to affect him again. He didn’t learn his lesson from the previous day and was wearing jeans and a black shirt again. He could feel sweat rolling down his back and absorbing into his shirt and pants. His jeans were already uncomfortably damp from Splash Mountain, leaving the denim in a horrid limbo between wet and dry that chafed against his skin.

Ullr was non-stop. He slowed down a little bit after the Indiana Jones ride, but scarfed a Dole Whip down and was just fine. Loki was blown away by his energy. He seemed to have a limitless supply of gusto. Loki had no idea who he got that from. He didn’t remember Sif being a hyper child. There was always a reason for her exertions. Loki was definitely not an energetic child unless he was excited about something. Even then, his excitement came in short bursts. Ullr ran like a diesel engine. He wondered if he should get Ullr checked out for ADHD when they flew back.

“I think it’s time to head back,” Loki said. The blue sky was giving way to orange with licks of pink and yellow. He checked is watch, stunned that it was 7:30.

“But the parade is starting at 8!”

“We can watch it tomorrow with everyone else. Let’s go.”

He started walking towards the main gate, but Ullr didn’t follow. He turned around, his annoyance apparent and biting. “Let’s go, Ullr.”

Ullr’s face was creased with anger. His upper lip hitched in a most unpleasant sneer that made Loki indignant. “Why don’t you want to spend time with me?”

The question knocked Loki back. “What are you talking about? I spent all day with you.”

“Yeah, one day out of a million!” he fired back. “And you didn’t seem to enjoy it.”

Despite his son’s loud voice, he kept his low and controlled, yet still tense. “I enjoyed every moment spent with you, son, though excuse me I may not show it while I’m waiting in a forty minute line in the hot sun to ride the same damned ride for the eighth time in two days.”

The two had a glaring contest, but Ullr was not as schooled in icy, hateful stares as his father. He dropped his gaze, but his expression didn’t change. “Whatever.”

Was there anything more irritating than hearing one’s child say “whatever?” Anger shot up his spine like an electric bolt. His nostrils flared and lip trembled. “Let’s go, Ullr,” he said, his voice never changed from it’s serpentine hiss. He watched as his son reluctantly started to move. Loki whirled around and marched towards the gate. The other families strolling through Main Street, enjoying the atmosphere of vanilla scented air and relaxing music softened him. He wished Sif and Hela were with them. While the _entire_ family vacation was a test to his patience, he imagined a day with just _his_ family would do him well. Maybe they could dodge Thor and the other’s the next day and spend time being together.

He thought he was too cold with Ullr, glaring him into the pavement and walking ahead of him. The pain of having a father who turned his back on his son was too familiar to Loki. He sighed, feeling like an asshole.

“Ullr,” he said once they exited the gate. He turned around to apologize, but instead, his blood ran cold. Ullr was not behind him. He quickly scanned the area to see if he got distracted by something, but he didn’t see him anywhere. His stomach dropped further than it did earlier in the morning.

He shouted his name again. No one came running up to him. His heart racing, he ran back to the gate and tried to push past the turnstiles. The gate attendant tried blocking him and threatened security.

“I lost my son,” he shouted.

Immediately, he was allowed to pass. A security guard approached him, apparently already on his way from the commotion he was causing. He dispatched an emergency an emergency code over his walkie talkie, relaying information on his appearance: 4 feet tall, curly black hair, and a red Star Wars shirt. He asked what kind of shoes Ullr was wearing. Loki had no idea or why it mattered.

“Child abductors will change a child’s clothes as soon as they can,” the security guard said coolly, “They rarely switch out the shoes.”

With the security guard with him, Loki searched all over the park, thoroughly combing Tomorrowland and any place remotely associated with Star Wars. Ten minutes turned into fifteen, turned into twenty. No word on him being found.

His phone rang in his pocket. He ripped it out hoping that it was the Baby Center on Main Street reporting they had him, but it was Sif. He answered.

“Hey you guys are staying out pretty late,” she said. He heard children laughing and splashing in the background. “When are you coming back?”

He was silent long enough for her to ask if he was still there before he broke the news.

“What do you mean _he_ _’s missing_ ,” Sif asked, panic coloring her voice.

“We were leaving, I turned around and he wasn’t there,” he pushed his fingers through his hair, which had started to curl slightly from sweating in the heat all day. “There’s a search going on.”

“I’ll be there in as soon as possible. Call me if you find him,” she said. He could hear Jane asking if everything was okay before Sif hung up.

He returned his phone to his pocket and grabbed fistfuls of his hair. The park was huge. There were so many people. And it was dark. The park was lit up like a dream from colorful lanterns, vintage street lamps, and flashing vaudeville signs, casting the park in some ethereal glow. Suddenly, everybody had a face. He saw every stranger’s features in detail and how they were not his son’s. He knew he wasn’t a good father. If he was being completely honest, sometimes he didn’t even feel like a father. Work kept him away from home and his mind off his family more than he liked to admit. He didn’t even feel like a _bad_ father now. He felt like a failure.

The security guard said something into his walkie and turned to Loki. “They found him.”

His heart raced. “Where?”

“Adventureland. Getting off the Indiana Jones ride.”

Loki booked it to the other side of the park, weaving in and out of the crowd as best as he could and shoving people out of the way when he had to. He saw a cast member with Ullr exiting Adventureland beneath the bamboo sign. Loki shouted Ullr’s name as he rushed over. Ullr’s head whipped around until he spotted Loki. He looked forlorn.

“Are you his father,” the cast member asked, though Loki hadn’t the slightest clue why. Even someone a step away from legal blindness could see Ullr was a spitting image of his father. He decided he was too relieved to care.

“Yes, thank you,” he said, heaving a sigh of relief. He placed his hand on Ullr’s head, needing to touch him to make sure he was actually there. Ullr pushed his hand off and turned away from him. The cast member gave him a dubious look. “I _am,_ _”_ he said harshly. “I’ll show you my fucking ID if you need it.” The cast member clearly looked torn, not sure if she should turn the child over to him or stick around just in case. The security guard who was following Loki around caught up and cleared the situation. Hesitantly, the girl left them to resume her job.

Loki gazed down at his son. Light from the Adventureland torches flickered and cast dancing shadows on his deflated frame. His eyes were locked on the cement at his feet. Loki noted he was wearing Vans with checkered laces.

The euphoric relief he was feeling boiled to fury for Ullr’s insolence and the terror he put Loki through. He opened his mouth to yell, but the fact that Ullr had yet to look up from the ground stopped him. He saw himself in Ullr: a little boy standing before a stranger who was his father, but couldn’t call Dad, despite a fierce desire to. Rage dwindled into sadness. He felt his heart breaking.

“Come on,” he said softly, not daring to touch him. Ullr shuffled ahead, undoubtedly the saddest child in Disneyland, The So-Called Happiest Place on Earth.

 

Sif called Loki as they were halfway back to the hotel. Adding another tally to his list of failures for not notifying her when Ullr was found, they waited by a lily pad fountain for Sif to find them. She rushed towards them and engulfed Ullr in her arms when she caught up. Her khaki shorts were partially wet and her cobalt blue bikini top could be seen through the dampness of her white tee shirt. She was obviously at the pool and threw on her clothes without drying off when she got the news. Loki felt worse for extending her anxiety longer than he should have.

Ullr was starving, having not really eaten since lunch, so they grabbed him a sandwich from a shop by the hotel. He slept with his cousin’s in Thor’s room that night. Loki didn’t stay in the hotel long before he returned to Downtown Disney to get a drink.

Sif found him in one of the restaurant’s bars later. She next to him and ordered a mango margarita.

“You want to talk,” she asked.

Loki sipped his Negroni. “No.”

She didn’t push it. She thanked the bar tender when he delivered her drink and nursed it quietly. Loki expected her to give him the third degree, ask what how he could possibly lose their son in Disneyland. But she didn’t. She watched the baseball game the bartender had on. Loki had no idea who was playing and he didn’t care.

“Damnit,” Sif said under her breath as a batter struck out. The sounds of clinking glasses, chatter from diners, and noise from outside assaulted his senses. He felt like a pressed grape. He was about to burst.

“How could I lose my son,” he asked, his voice a monotonous rumble.

Sif’s hazel eyes slid from the TV to him as if she was waiting for him to speak. “It happens,” she said easily.

He buried his face in his hands. “I _lost_ my son. He _hates_ me.”

She gently placed her hand on his back. “He doesn’t hate you.”

“He hates me,” he snapped. “Of course he does. I hated my father when I was his age and my father never _lost_ me on vacation. He wants Thor for a father, not me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Thor,” he mumbled, “He told me Ullr said that. Last night when I didn’t want to stay after dinner.”

She didn’t say anything. Another silence settled as he slumped further into his misery. He never should have been a father. Since he was young, Loki had tried to convince himself he had confidence: that he _was_ valuable and capable of achieving great things. But he never truly believed it, and the night confirmed what he had been fearing since childhood: he was a fuck up and wouldn’t be anything more than that.

There was an audibly _thunk_ from the TV as a batter swung at the ball. People in the bar cheered. Sif did not. She took another drink from her margarita. “Talk to him,” she said. “Just talk to him.”

“About what?”

“How you feel.” She slid closer to him on her bar stool, her arm now draped around his shoulders. “Tell him about how you feel. Be vulnerable.”

He chuckled mirthlessly. “I can’t.”

“Bullshit,” she snapped, “You did it all the time when you acted. You had no problem exposing yourself on stage for your art, you can tell your son how you feel.”

He flinched, but didn’t say anything. She let the words sink in before she continued. “He’s never going to love you as much as you love him. It’s a fact of parenting. You love your child harder and deeper than you thought was possible, knowing full well they don’t love you the same way and that one day they will leave you. You don’t show affection well, Loki. That’s no secret, but you need to try. For your son’s sake.”

Her words danced in his head like snowflakes, flitting around wildly until melting into his brain. He hung his head with a heavy exhale. She patted his back.

“I’m going back. Character breakfast tomorrow.” She kissed his temple and asked him—more like told him—to buy her drink as she left. Loki had finished his drink and hers before heading back to the hotel.

 

His hangover the next morning wasn’t as bad as he expected it would be. He had a mild pain in his head and a dry mouth, both of which were remedied after a glass of water and an ibuprofen. He and Sif met the rest of the family at Goofy’s Kitchen, which was located in one of the hotel towers. They were standing in line to take a picture with Chef Goofy as they waited for the reservation. He was cajoled into joining the family shot. There was no way Thor was letting him skip it. He went as far as to threaten to put him in a headlock if he tried to bail. Goofy decided to tease Loki as well, trying to mock his grouchiness by putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head and fist. It obviously didn’t work well, given the costume was fixed in an idiotic grin and cartoonish chef’s costume. Still, it made Loki smile.

Breakfast went well. The spread offered everything from fruit, to muffins, to eggs, to waffles and pancakes in the shape of Mickey Mouse. Hela found the parade of costumed Disney characters twirling their napkins above their heads particularly delightful. Once fully nourished and caffeinated, the entire party headed back towards the park.

“Ullr,” Loki said once they passed the gate into California Adventure. “Come here for a moment.”

The grin on his face faltered as he dragged his feet over to Loki. Sif threw him a questioning look, but Loki waved her off, indicating they’ll catch up in a moment.

Ullr looked up at him, uncertain of what was to come. Probably expecting a lecture about running away. “Yeah, Dad?”

Loki found himself at a loss for words. He rehearsed what he might say as he fell into a buzzed sleep the night before, but none of the words came to him. He sighed heavily and kneeled in front of him so they were eye to eye. He had no idea what to say, so he just started speaking, hoping the right words would come.

“I’m sorry I’m not around very often,” he said. “I’m sorry that we don’t know each other as much as both of us would like. I’m sorry I let you down.”

Ullr stared at him, his brow furrowing in confusion. Loki continued. “You and your sister are my world,” the words were coming out harder. His chest tightened. “When I couldn’t find you yesterday, I…” he paused, remembering the terror and sinking feeling in his gut. “I was scared. I was afraid I’d never see you again and you’d forever think that I hated you.” He choked, suddenly aware tears were welling in his eyes. He blinked them back and wiped his face with the back of his hand. “And I don’t.”

Ullr’s eyes were getting glassy. “I’m sorry, Dad.”

Loki smiled and cupped his face. “I am too.”

Ullr nodded, a single tear falling down his cheek, still chubby with childhood. Loki swiped it away with his thumb. “I want to go on the rapids ride,” Loki said.

Ullr’s face brightened. “Me too.”

Loki started to rise but hesitated. He grasped Ullr’s shoulders firmly and inspected his son. It was like one of his grade school photos come to life. The similarities they shared was dumbfounding.

“And I don’t, Ullr. I…love you…very much.” The last words were the hardest he ever said, but nothing he ever said was truer.

“I love you too, Dad.”

They grinned at each other as a warm feeling passed between them. Loki nodded to his son and headed after the others.

 

The day was one of the best in Loki’s. Though he wasn’t able to separate Sif and the kids away from the rest of the family, the day went off almost without a hitch; the only incident being the baby having diaper blowout that got on Jane’s shirt. But the ever prepared scientist had a spare in her bag and it was like nothing happened. Thor and Loki battled each other on the ride/video game Toy Story Midway Mania probably four times. Thor dominated the score the first three trips on the ride, but Loki stole Thor’s 3-D glasses the fourth time and managed to beat him by a couple hundred points.

They finished the evening with a delicious three course meal at Ariel’s grotto. Premium seating tickets for the famous _World of Color_ show came with the meal. Growing up, Loki had the privilege of seeing renown entertainment by the best performers all over the world, but nothing was as wonderful as the _World of Color._ Scenes from Disney’s cartoons were projected onto screens of water with the soundtrack chorusing through speakers, while colorful lights flashed, water jets danced, and torches shot fire up into the sky.

Loki felt like a wide eyed child filled with awe as he watched. He arms were wrapped around Hela who was sitting on a wall in front of him. Ullr was next to her with Sif behind him. He spared a glance from the show to look at Sif. She was beautiful. The same awe he felt was evident on her face, illuminated from the bright lights of the show. He put an arm around her waist and pulled his family close. He knew the moment wasn’t going to last. The feeling of love and closeness would vanish once he returned to work, if not once they landed back at JFK. He knew himself better than to think he would turn over a knew leaf. He should hate himself for knowing that, but he pushed it away, telling himself he could resume self-loathing back at the office when he missed a planned family dinner. Right now, he was going to bask in the love of his family. He wanted to be fully immersed in it so he could look back and clearly remember that he had a perfect moment with ones he cherished most in the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
